1. Diabetes.
Paula Deen, who shows us how to cook up such great southern-style tummy teasers has now joined the ranks of diabetes sufferers. I guess she has been consuming too much of her delicious carb-filled creations.
2. Cosmetic Surgery.
A recent Harper's Index indicates that 2,000 "designer vagina" operations were paid for by the British National Health Service last year.
3. Sickness at Work.
Aaron Karo remarks in his "Ruminations" .."When faking sick to leave work early, I find it necessary to make a sick face until I'm at least a few miles from the office, just in case someone is following me and watching me."
4. Vitamin Deficiency.
This is from a recent issue of the BBC Music Magazine : "Austrian experts... suggest that Mozart may have died of a lack of vitamin D. The infections the composer was reported to have suffered from all hint at that deficiency, which would have been exacerbated by the lack of sunlight in the long Viennese winter. Spookily, Mozart's Requiem is written in the key of, yes, D minor. Maybe he knew?"
5. Throat Cancer.
Another composer, written about in the BBC Music Magazine by Adrian Mourby was Jean Sibelius. "Sibelius... belonged to a hard-drinking, hard-living set in Helsinki. After an operation for throat cancer, he made sure there was a box of cigars waiting for him when he came round from the anaesthetic..."
6. High Blood Pressure.
The world famous Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland, was home-base for physiologist Joseph Erlanger's research on the nervous tissue of frogs. While doing this research, Joe invented the sphygmomanometer which measures blood pressure and has probably helped save the lives of thousands of old dudes like me. Erlanger was born in 1874 and died in 1965.
7. Obesity.
Aaron Karo offers an observation on this malady: "I would be far thinner if I didn't have tastebuds."
(This could also be related to item #1 above.)
8. Brain Malfunction.
Our old friend, Aaron Karo, also points to a malady affecting most of us: "Will I ever reach a point in my life when I won't need to recite the whole alphabet in my head while alphabetizing?"
9. Pencilectomy.
Chuck Shepherd, was quoted in the recent issue of Funny Times: "The British Medical Journal reported that a 76-year-old woman had been unbothered until recently by the felt-tip pen she accidentally swallowed 25 years earlier. It was removed without complication, and, though the plastic was flaky, the pen still had an ink supply and was 'usable'."
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Incidentally, if you would like to read more interesting medical information, try these wonderful sources:
Funny Times newspaper.
News of the Weird by Chuck Shepherd
Harper's Magazine
Ruminations.com by Aaron Karo
All can be readily found online.
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